I haven't blogged in awhile and this topic wasn't even on my mind to ever blog but I get a lot of readers here (I check my stats every few weeks...not sure why a lot of you don't comment, but that's neither here nor there!) and I felt that this would be good to put out into the internet world in case there is another mom out there wondering about it.
Yesterday a friend of mine had a baby shower and there were cards that asked you to write advice for the mom-to-be. My husband and I have talked sooooo many times about things that people don't tell you when you become a parent. You get all the generic advice: get your sleep now because you won't sleep when baby comes (worst advice ever - you can't bank sleep!), take it all in - they grow so fast, your life is never going to be the same (um, yeah, thanks). :/ I swore that if new moms ever asked me for advice (I'll never offer because that's another thing that is maddening - unsolicted advice for new parents!) that I was going to be COMPLETELY HONEST. On my advice card, I wrote:
1) Try to remember that the sleepless nights aren't going to last forever.
2) Cry it out when you need to!
3) If hubby offers to help, LET HIM!
Seriously, that is the advice I wish someone would have given me. I'm only bringing this up because a friend on Facebook posted a status update today asking if it's normal to have the baby blues 7 weeks after having a baby. My answer was YES!!!! Two other commenters said the same thing.
The first three months for me were the hardest. I wouldn't say that I was in a depression, but there were definitely days where I would just start crying and hubby would just take over. I'm blessed because I have a GREAT hubby, I really don't know how some people do it alone. For those single moms (and dads) out there, KUDOS TO YOU! Anyway, I really can't remember much of that time if I'm being honest. As I told my friend, after the first three months, it was like the clouds opened up and sun started shining through...and it continued to get better as time went on. I'm not sure that I had anything like post-partum depression (although, maybe that's exactly what it was), it just felt gloomy at times and that I felt I should be happier than I was. I also told my friend there were GREAT days, too...and that it, indeed, does get better.
She asked what you could do for it and one friend suggested she read this book. I read that book and I didn't have feelings anywhere near the desperation Brooke Shields did, so I can only imagine the cloud that some moms have hanging over their head. :( I really think that I had a light case of baby blues and they were only here and there, so if I had a light case, I feel for the moms that have it bad. :/ I told her that maybe some books would help or if it was really bad, she should talk to her doctor (and another friend told her the same advice because that's what she did). I also told her the advice I gave my mom-to-be friend and I'll repeat it again:
1) Try to remember that the sleepless nights aren't going to last forever.
2) Cry it out when you need to!
3) If hubby (or anyone!) offers to help, LET HIM (them)!
I really don't know why mom's aren't so truthful about lots of parenting things they experience. I'm sure some of them don't experience everything others experience but I also know some do. Maybe they don't want to seem like a bad mom or a failure or whatever. That is soooo crazy because it's a new life and if it's your first time, you're definitely going to be thrown for a loop. So if you're reading this (whether you're a regular follower, came via keywords, whatever) and this was your experience, don't be afraid to share it with your other mom friends or family - it may help someone down the road. Or if you still experience this, maybe they (or a doctor or books or something else) can help you. But I wish moms would open up more and talk to each other about 'real' stuff. It's a hard job (the hardest I've ever had!) and we all need support. I'm thankful that my friend asked and didn't keep it inside. I kind of did. I only sent an email to a few friends with several kids asking for their advice. I was so grateful for it. And if you ARE feeling the baby blues right now, again, I promise you...it gets better. The 'baby' days weren't easy for me but 3 months and on have been FANTASTIC. Life with this little girl just gets better and better and better. :)
Monday, March 21, 2011
"Baby Blues"
Posted by kymberli q. at 12:38 AM
Labels: baby blues, brooke shields, down came the rain, post partum depression
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7 comments:
When people say get some sleep now, it's to build up strength for when baby comes. I'm sorry that you felt that was bad advise. People who love you are just trying to be helpful. You do have a great hubby, he's always been good with children. Way to go Hawkeye!!! Riley was worth it, shes beautiful. God Bless You All!!!
Well stated! Every phase in the childs life offers something new.
I'm so glad I read this! For a couple of reasons; first it was my shower! Yay, what a great day. It was overwhelming but in the best way. The first thing my husband & I did when we got home was read our advice cards. I'm not even kidding you Kymberli when I read yours I said "this is going on our fridge" and he said "that's real, good advice". Secondly, it's great to hear the truth about what to expect being a first time parent because if it's anything like being pregnant...a lot of stuff gets left out in the truth category! I'm expecting in the next few weeks & I can't tell you how much I appreciated reading this. Thank you Kymberli! ~Beth
I can relate big time to this post. We are just out of the 3 months and I'm finally seeing a bit of sunshine! I always advise new moms that the "4th trimester" (months 0-3)is very, very real. If you can convince yourself that 3 months from now, life will be sunny, then you can make it through. The loss of freedom can feel unreal at times. As much as you l-o-v-e your baby, it's such a huge adjustment! Good post KQ :) (And I'm horrible about commenting on blogs lately, can barely keep up writing mine as well! But I read yours, I promise!)
I really liked your post on this subject. I too cried everyday for at least the first few weeks. I know it's hormones and all, but yes, it was emotions too. Was I doing everyting right? How am I going to handle her alone when hubby goes bac...k to work? I didn't even want to go into Target in fear she would cry and people would stare. Kymberli, one of THE best advice was one that you wrote in an email to me when I was venting to you. You said "It gets better". Those 3 words helped me get thru my fears. As I've told you at least once or twoice before, thank you. I'll be sure to pass that advice along to any new mom having the "Baby Blues".
I love your honestly Kymberli, I had a really tough time in the begining with healing from csection and not being able to breast feed, the feeling of not being able to provide for my new baby but it definitely got better and continues to get better. although we have had quite a roller coaster with his health ups and downs we are blessed cause as I always have said things could be worse for us. truly though becoming a mother is a roller coaster and if people ask I tell them its not easy but worth every second to me it truly has been. love, love, love your honestly and think that its better to have that, the whole husband thing, I totally agree!!! no idea how people do it without the help. love you girl!
I had to come back and post this link because it was ironic that you posted about baby blues, and then today I read this honest confession that I think others might relate to. While everyone has differences in the severity of baby blues (and clearly this woman was on the stronger side of the continuim) it can be comforting to know that no one is alone with these feelings. Hope this helps someone!
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/my-year-with-postpartum-depression/
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